40 Days

Yesterday, I actually said the words, “Happy Ash Wednesday!” This is how I greeted my mom when I talked to her on the phone. And I meant it. I was excited for Lent to begin. For the first time in my life, I was truly looking forward to this season of repentance. If you have the urge to patronizingly pat me on the head right now, I understand. I can’t help it, though: I’m excited about it!

From my understanding of it, for the next 40 days (not including Sundays), the traditional disciplines of Lent are three-fold: prayer, giving money to the poor and fasting (i.e., "giving something up").

I’ve fasted during Lent a few other times, so this is not necessarily a new practice for me. My senior year in college I gave up using curse words. On day four I stubbed my toe really hard and accidentally dropped the "queen-mother of dirty words." Oops.

The difference for me between this year and previous years, however, is simple but huge: previously, I fasted out of obligation or for selfish reasons, such as using Lent as an excuse to give up “fattening foods” so it became a diet for me to lose weight rather than a spiritual discipline. That year the scale was my judge, rather than God. My heart didn’t change, just my dress size. And I didn’t add prayer and almsgiving along with the fast. If anything, I became more selfish in the process, which is certainly not the purpose of Lent. I know a lot of people who give up some kind of food for Lent and it truly is a beneficial spiritual fast for them by doing so, but it wasn't for me that year because of my motivations behind the fast.

As Lent approached this year, I started thinking about what I could give up for 40 days that would truly make a difference in my spiritual growth. I prayed about this and searched my heart. It didn’t take long for me to realize what I needed to change the most this year: my habit of buying things I don’t need instead of turning to God when I feel restless, apathetic, anxious, or any other number of uncomfortable emotions. Or I buy something because it's there and it's “only a few dollars” and I don't really see the harm in it as I contemplate the purchase. But those “little” purchases add up quickly and I end up with a collection of little trinkets that I never really needed and I wonder why I thought it was so necessary to buy those things in the first place.

Yes, it is painfully clear to me that my impulsive and needless spending is hampering my spiritual growth. So, I’m fasting from frivolous spending for this Lent season. It’s not going to be easy, that’s for sure, but I do not view this fast only in light of what I’m giving up. I see it as an opportunity to gain something much more rewarding: a more focused relationship with God, a greater appreciation for things that cannot be bought, increased self-control (one of the fruits of the spirit), and a time for deeper prayer and faith.

I’m not saying that all spending is bad, or that everyone must give up all of their possessions to be spiritual. I don’t think it’s simply a matter of “buying stuff” that is harmful to me. What’s destructive is the motivation behind many of my purchases: to distract myself, to entertain as a way to escape. Thus, I’m not doing this to save money that I can spend on something else in the future or to pay off bills from what I’ve bought in the past. My motivation is not a financial one; it’s about what this is doing to my heart.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

- Jesus quoted in Matthew 6:19-21