Day 17: Good Grief and Bad Pain

I recently read the book Good Grief, by Granger E. Westberg. It's a small book, more like a booklet, really, but it holds a wealth of information about the grieving process within its 64 pages. This is not a "light" or "fun" subject to explore, I admit, but I do believe that good can come from proper grieving. It can be a spiritually transforming experience, when it's good, but it can also be a holding pattern when not moved through in a healthy way (I speak from experience on that one!).

I've been coming to realize that there is tremendous potential for growth through painful experiences, but some suffering is truly needless. Cloud and Townsend call this bad pain:

"Bad pain is actually wasted pain. It is the pain we go through to avoid the good pain of growth that comes from pushing through. It is the wasted pain we encounter as we try to avoid grief and true hurt that needs to be worked through. It is the wasted pain of trying to get a person to love us or approve of us instead of facing the loss of this love and moving on."
- from the book How People Grow.

God knows there have been many times I've put myself through needless suffering - through the "bad pain" described above. So, what does good pain -- or good grief -- look like, and how do we distinguish the difference between the two? That's something I'm still trying to fully figure out.

Westburg describes 10 stages of grief in his book:
1. In a state of shock
2. Express emotion
3. Feel depressed and very lonely
4. May experience physical symptoms of distress
5. May become panicky
6. Feel a sense of guilt about the loss
7. Filled with anger and resentment
8. Resist returning
9. Gradually hope comes through
10. Struggle to affirm reality